February 20, 2012


Okay first things first, I'm at 7 on my book challenge thing, not that impressive I'll grant you but idk I've not had as much free time as I anticipated.

I wasn't home much last week, work mostly but I went out for valentine's day...I didn't feel like being home alone was the best plan. It was actually a decision I didn't take lightly, it might seem really strange but I couldn't decide if it was less pathetic to go out by yourself on valentines day or to stay home...Valentines just sucks, there is no way around it, but that was probably the best one since I've been umm...not in a full time relationship...to say single sounds weird because I date..alot more than I admit normally lol

But anyway back to last week....They had karokee at Drifters which was kinda fun, it was alot warmer than the last time I was there in the beergarten part...about a week prior, probably more like two weeks but still, I was out there in front of the heater the time prior and I was still completely frozen. AND the time before that I was inside and it was frozen there too. Idk I guess sometimes they don't use the heat for what it was invented for lol, or maybe I sit WAY too close to the window.

I've been spending alot more time at drifters lately. For some reason, I just feel comfortable there. It's weird isn't it? But last week I actually was introduced to some of the off duty staff, and they're pretty cool people, I'd probably spend more time there if I wasn't in such a shitbox financially (pardon my french) but I don't have alot of cash for umm well anything really, but I wish I did.

It sucks to be responsible. I spend alot of time worrying about money and the rest of the time dreaming about the things I wish I had. It's a terrible way to go about things. I've got expensive taste, which is weird bc we've never had alot of money really, but I love imports and nice restaurants, and hair products (yea I know...so amazingly girly)

Which brings me to another point..I've been trying to take better care of myself lately. It's a bit of a new years thing, but I'm determined not to let things slide anymore. When I was in school full time, I just didn't feel like it was worth the time to feel nice about how I look when I leave the house. But I've made the decision that if I want to feel good about myself, it takes effort. It's a lesson a friend of mine TRIED to teach me last semester but I wouldn't listen to her..but I did actually learn something lol Probably should thank her one of these days.

I've been kind of taking that to an even newer level for me. I've been actually spending hours every morning with a curling iron. Yea I know...shocked silence on the other end. I've always been girly but NOT LIKE THAT. I used to scoff at people who spent hours preping every morning but I get it now. It's not about how other people see you, not really...It's about how I feel about myself. When I leave the house in the morning, even if I'm not going anywhere important, I still feel like I could take on the world. It's a great feeling. I wish I'd had that in high school...but I would have had to get up at 4am back then and I'm not sure I could've done that. If I'd known how it would make me feel though I might have tried.

That's the root of it, btw, I'm trying more than I ever have. I've been kinda down lately so this is like self medicating for a slight case of depression. Seems to be helping. New makeup too, well new old makeup, when I set up the vanity table, I rediscovered somethings, and it made me think. I tried some makeup I hadn't worn in a long time...one of my favorite new cosmetics is actually something I bought at Performance Studios as part of a halloween costume back in 2007...

Mornings are alot more complicated now. Teeth and hair brushed first. Then heat defense spray. Then curling iron and comb, all the way around. Then hairspray on the new curls, spread them out, then hairspray again. Then eye shadow to match the day's outfit, then NYX cosmetics glitter eye pencil on top. Then mascara and finally glitter gloss for the lips. Dressed and out...it's about an hour-two hours ritual. It's time consuming and I do it again every single day. It's alot just to go to work BUT sometimes I don't just go to work. I'm a bit impulsive about when I go out. If I feel like it, and can swing the expense I go. It means that when I get up in the morning, I've got no idea where I'm headed for the day.

Set up my new mattress yesterday, it literally took all day to drain the old one, get it carried out and the new one filled. Problem is I couldn't find the liner for the new mattress. I got SUPER stressed out about that, I can't really say why exactly. But I can say that we kinda got it fixed...kinda...there's a waterproof green roofing tarp under the mattress............(hysterical laughter I know) the worst part is the tarp smells bad...like really bad. The whole area smells like plastic now. I think it's the heater. It doesn't appear to be hurting the tarp, Forrest and dad are convinced it isn't dangerous to have the heater under the plastic tarp...but the fact that the whole bed now smells like melted plastic is disconcerting...but then again I've never slept on a freaking tarp before so I'm not sure exactly what it's SUPPOSED to smell like

And finally, new scentsy product came in friday. It's this rose about as big as a coffee cup (a fat coffee cup). And it plugs in. So in the dining room there is this weirdo plug half way up the wall. So now in that plug is a holder for that ceramic rose. It's actually really beautiful. BUT much bigger than I thought it would be...also the fact that the plug is like a football field away so I can't smell it from here...which is a bit of a let down. I wish there was one closer to the bed...but there isn't one that is far enough off the ground to be safe for something ceramic. Let's face it...I've got cats...and they play with stuff. I'm not willing to trust them not to try and drink the wax...after all this weekend Mickey tried to eat the shower curtain...ACTUALLY he ate part of it, so I threw it out. I'm blaming that stupid car commercial about the pizza curtains..................