New computer troubles

Apparently the university has gotten a new computer system and it MESSED EVERYTHING UP!!!!! The registration for the new semester is totally screwed up. I have to take 7 more classes to graduate and i have no classes that i want to take this year, they cut the history classes down and it really irks me that they have fewer classes for the majors leaving me with history of us military (yuck boring boring)

Believe it or not.

OMG I have some awesome news (well to me anyway). Believe it or not I have started painting my kitchen. I am so proud of myself and it looks awesome. Also I have gotten back into comunication with an old friend whom i haven't spoken to in over 3 years and whom i have missed terribly. And i guess it is time to tell the story. Roll back the clock and lets return to first semester of senior year. One of my very good friends had a problem. (not sure if he does anymore though, since it has been so long) His mother had a drinking problem and he was getting into drugs. God help me i tried to reason with him, I was very sick and pretty soon i could not even attend school anymore, for the last few months of the first semester of senior year i was stuck at home, bored stupid and getting fatter by the day. Meanwhile my good friend was having a hard time. One of the girls at school had gotten pissed at him for some reason (she was crazy so i am not sure why) and she put some drug stuff in his locker and then told a teacher. He was expelled in his senior year. Granted i never heard the whole story from him. Get this. I got back to school in january and he wasn't in any of my classes. It went on for a few days before i started to worry and ask people if they had seen him. Someone eventually told me what happened while i was gone. It is a horrible thing for someone to disappear like that and truth be told i was upset at him for not telling me himself. Granted i was always afraid something horrible would become of this drug thing and i always told him that i wished he would do it. He had a hard life and often times a hard past can ruin a future. I never tried to pretend that i was anything more than upset with all this but it sort of hurt. Kind of like what happen with micheal and duncan and all the rest, all these people were great guys and better friends than anyone i have ever known and yet in an instant they are gone and often times you never really get to say good bye. god even cory whom i could not stand i still get into reticent moods where i really want to argue with him again and Christina she was my best friend and i trusted her and yet when when I graduated they were all gone, I have seen not a one and i miss them all terribly. I realize i am not the easist person to deal with sometimes i can be opinonated and bossy but i still believe that i deserve friends. Some of them i lost because of Chris. He was extremely jealous and truth be told i got stick of it fast. He has always been more trouble than he is worth and it never ceses to amaze me that he would be like that. I was never really interested in him and he knows that. Honestly if anyone else had asked then it would have been them and now i guess i am just so afraid of being alone now that i have no friends anymore. That is the real reason that i keep with an abusive jerk is that i am afraid to be alone. How can i do this to myself? Aren't i worth more than this? I just let him manipulate me and all because i don't want to be alone, I was practically alone for 17 years and in the three years since i have had someone. It is a sobering thought. Yes everytime he hurts me I try to get rid of him but secretly I am scarid that if i do i will be alone forever. think about it , he was really the first serious relationship i had ever had and even though i never really liked him i am terrified of being without him. The other day i took a walk through HFA and the very walls teemed with forgotten promise, of the better life i always dreamed of, of all the sacrifices i have made to get where i am today. Yes i have a good job but i have no friends and i go to a sub par school who wouldn't know historically significant if it tap danced on its face. And all of this so i wouldn't be alone. I am a fool, a stupid fool. Moreover i am so frightened of everything and i let the world walk all over me. Being in a relationship has made me weak willed and indecisive. I used to be so finiky about my hair and i had to wear alot of makeup. Now days i hardly ever remember to take care of my self because i am so focused on cleaning up after that self righteaus jerk. I need some kind of an intervention. I need my friends back. I need to ask them what i should do, i need some support and guidence. I need help. If even for one day things could be as they were and i could ask for help. I just know they would have the right answer and would know the right thing to do. They cannot hear me now and i probably will never see any of them again but i wish so much that i could ask for their help. that is the trouble with time, it never stops

Family reunion

As you may have guessed family is a very important part of my life. Last month we went to a family reunion. To say it was a difficult trip would be a gross understatement. It was horrible and emotional. To see the members of my family falling apart has hurt me more than you could imagine. Each and every year there are horrible tiding and whole branches sizzered off. To see some pictures of my rapidly crumbling family please copy and past the link below.
http://picasaweb.google.com/jchambliss/FamilyReunion
It links to my cousin juliette's pictures from the reunion.

addionally on her blog she has some rather touching videos of grandpa and aunt stephanie singing they make me so sad :( Reminds me of my grandmother, she always enjoyed singing a lovely little gospel, if i close my eyes i can picture her singing softly to me. They were all never very good at singing but you can see they put their heart into it, which makes it so special.
http://juwawa.blogspot.com/2008_07_01_archive.html

Tragic

This weekend my family and i went up to indiana to visit a very sick aunt. Meanwhile a group of 4 teenagers from my brother's high school were headed to Ohio to ride some roller coasters and simply celebrate the end of summer. The 4 Teens were friends of my brothers and had the situations been different there is a chance that he would have been there. They were driving in kentucky on their way back home when the car they were in swerved into oncoming traffic and all 4 were killed when a truck carring steel bars ran into them. It makes you think really, about how fragile things are, how a simple moment can change everything. We headed home the day after and the remains of the crash had been cleared from the road with no trace that something horrible had happened just the night before . You wonder often if there is a such thing as fate and it becomes only too clear what it is all about. Now really what stops it from being my brother rather than those poor kids what caused the situation, what makes this story the foreign trajedy instead of something all too close to home? It rattles round in my head and each and every second is precious and lasting. Family is a unique thing, you scream and yell and fight and yet you know that if you couldn't yell and scream and fight then life really wouldn't be the same. It really takes a shock to the system for one to realize what it all means. Does it matter that you fight all the time and haven't said a civil word to one another. That you complain about the fact that he left your car dirty and never bothers to ask how your day was despite the fact that you live down the hall from each other he pretends you don't exist. But even after everything family is family and it is really all that counts. So rest in peace Caitlin Currey, Jackson Harris, Caitlin Lee and Ryan Williams and know that this was not the fate that anyone would have wanted for you. In fact it is not a fate you should have had to face, and each and every day we face tough choices and every little choice could lead down a fatal path.

So tired...

I am so tired today, i was up until 2am washing laundry in the tenant's machines, I really hate not having my own washer, theirs is so tiny and the dryer never dries propertly. Our laundry room has the floor tiled but since it is a solid brick building they have not been able to cut a hole in either laundry room for the dryer vent (which may be why the machine never works right). Mickey is being punished right now, he can't come out of his cage for any reason. He actually peed on the couch while i was in the shower. Any tips on getting him to stop doing that would be greatly appreciated, since has now ruined the couch. He did the same thing with my waterbed matress (thank god it isn't a softsider). Apparently i am no good at potty training pets. My puppy Chance thinks that rugs were invented for him to pee on. Just something else I am much to tired to worry about.

Picture is of me and the little kitty monster, looks sweet right?

In other news the electrican never came back to the house, my bathroom light fixure is still sitting on the kitchen countertop, not only did the idiot hang the wrong fixture the first time, he also never came back to fix the problem. Also he has not switch out the light fixture in that back bedroom, and since mom has already paid him, it would appear that it is not going to get fixed.

The new tile guy who did the new shower was so sloppy, not to mention that his bid included materials and i still had to buy all my own stuff. The tiles are all wopperjawed and the hole he cut for the drain is deep, and large and SQUARE. I have never seen a shower with a square drain, and of course when he installed the drain he installed a standard sized circle drain, everytime I take a shower I have to avoid the drain because i am liable to twist my ankle with it.

It is so hard to live in what is essentially a construction site. I love the working on the houses part, i don't love living there while i work on it. The kitchen being so small is probably the worst adjustment i am having to make, we are all used to pantry cabinents bigger than we are and since the downstairs kitchen hasn't even began to be worked on, it is all of us in my kitchen which makes this horrible little diet (mom's idea not mine) and it just makes it so difficult to stay on when all the boys little sweet treats are everywhere in the kitchen. That probably has alot to do with the fact that I am not so good with diet, the only one which ever really worked was atkins and mom couldn't do it because she missed chocolate too much (seriously)

Chris' Birthday is next week and i am so broke that i can't get him anything. This will be the first birthday in two years that i have not been able to get him a present. It makes me feel bad because i want to get him something nice (god knows he could use some more attractive clothes). The best thing about moving is finding all the awesomely cool things that you forgot you still had, like this art project i did years ago, it is so cute. It's like a lost pet poster for a giant panda. It is amazing how creative you are when you are little. I often wonder what happen to that creative spark i had, did it just die or did i simply out grow the need to be creative. Nowdays I never paint or draw and I haven't made anything out of clay in ten years. Moreover you sort of forget what it was like to have inspiration, to get fixated on an idea and make something beautiful with it. Oddly enough that is more common than you think to get trapped by a concept, nowdays it becomes the mundane things that smutther that creative impluse, the need to get that file completed and did we get those disclosures and when are they doing their inspection and no I thought the buyers agent ordered that and $450 to treat those termites and did we scedule that closing yet and Mr. Investor is having a melt down. And then the ridiculous stuff, the buyer is walking because the home inspector tried to get all the painted shut windows to open and try to make ancient fireplaces work. It seems like no one uses the TAR contracts and what's worse they never read what they sign. Trying to hold agents liable for rickey floors and a mouse in the kitchen after they read the disclaimer notice is insane. A buyer wanting to walk from the contract because HIS lender said they would not be able to close until tomorrow. All the insane things that go on in realestate, not to mention that agents are the most ego centric people on the planet, you can't keep a team together long enough to develope a system because someone always gets it into their head that they don't need a team and can do it on their own and eventually they are too poor to pay rent or buy food. The worst agent are the ones that don't know what they are doing and their pride forgives them from asking for help, unfortunatly i can think of 12 of those that i have met over the years, one would hope they have the brains to have left the business by now. The way the market has been in the last year or so has hopefully thinned the ranks. As by broker always says, quality of agents is much more important than quantity of agents.

I sometimes think about how funny life can become sometimes. When your little the world holds so much promise, anyone can be a famous actress or singer or president or even impossible things like super heros. It is part of growing up to realize that you will never be what you wanted to be when you were little and it is time to grow up. That is probably why I love Disney World so much, it is the one place in the world where you can still have impossible dreams and see impossible things, where any little girl no matter how old can still be a princess. Sometime late at night before you go to sleep you can revist that simple, peaceful time when it was still possible to dream of impossible things. Even as i sit here at my desk, a pile of files and several undelightful phone calls wait for me but for just a moment I am revising that lost world of dreams and letting all the promise of childhood fill my mind. For just a second the world holds magic, real tangible magic.