April 4, 2012

My YAY moment

Okay so as most everyone knows by now, I'm in the middle of my little book challenge. Current tallies stand at 25 since January. Not too bad I think. But that's not the main reason for my presence in the bloggisphere this afternoon. Something pretty awesome happened this morning and I've been over the moon about it.

Last night I finished book #25, The Wolf Gift by Anne Rice. I was really moved by the story and when I was putting my "short summary" on the book list, I was inspired and ended up writing about half a page on it. Since it ended up being such a substantial block, I decided to post it as a review on amazon (normally my short summaries are just little blurbs and thus not worthy of review posting). After which I settled down for the evening with my inexplicably painful shoulder and book #26.

Upon logging into facebook this morning, I was over the moon. And why? Apparently last night my book review was read by none other than ANNE RICE herself!!!! And posted on her facebook page. I scrolled through the comments, amazed at just how many people agreed with my assessment, several of the comments were just amazing. As you can imagine I'm pretty excited!

So here below I will post my review text (provided it saves properly on here)

First, this is the post from her page showing my review!

Anne Rice shared a link.
13 hours ago
Good night, People of the Page. I arrived in New York safely and I am in a charming hotel. All the way across the continent I watched CNN news, well, most of the time anyway, and I enjoyed it. Here:s a link to a review on Amazon that I thought captured something very particular about the Wolf Gift that not too many people have mentioned. Comments welcome -----
2 · ·

And second, here are the comments.....lots of them aren't about me but I don't know how to just select those so here's everything....


And finally, the amazon review :)

Customer Review

16 of 16 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Love it so much :), April 3, 2012
Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: The Wolf Gift (Hardcover)
By far my favorite Anne Rice book to date. That is saying
something as I've read her stuff since I was a little girl.
In fact, the very first movie I went to see in the
theaters was interview with a vampire (I was 5 at the
time I think). While I will freely admit some of the
philosophical elements were a little over my head, I loved
the character of Reuben and Stuart.

Reuben I could relate to because he is like me, practically
my age and having grown up in a world I understand.
I felt like I could understand his moral dilemma and his
quest for something, anything that would make it makes
sense to him. He places his hopes in a person he's never met,
doesn't even know if they exist, in an attempt to try and
rationalize what is happening to him.

Stuart was hilarious, a bit like a puppy in his mannerisms
(ironic I know but you'll see what I'm talking about if you
read the book) and in his desire to know everything; and
to savor all that life has to offer. The author description
of him is a bit like a cherub but it's quite clear that he,
too, is the spirit of this age. He's full of vitality and
exuberance. It gives him a charm all his own.

But by far my favorite part of this is that while it has
tragic portions, it isn't a tragedy. At least not in the
same way that the Mayfair witches was. There was
something infinitely sad about the aforementioned
series that there isn't here. While you do see the
questioning of existence, and the ageless agnostic
questions, the simple truth that life can be wonderful
if you let it is seeping from the pages of the book.

Anne Rice's perception of the werewolf is also extraordinary
for a few reasons. She is returning to the Lon Cheney
standard, in that the man wolf is a combination of both
human and wolf traits, and not fully one or the other while
in the grips of the change. This is significant, particularly as
the modern perception of werewolves has been as wolves.

But there is also the point of fact where she is reinventing
the wheel. Essentially, in the idea that the werewolf is in,
for the most part, complete conscious control of his or
her actions. This is extremely significant as it pertains to
this new mythology Anne Rice is creating. It becomes the
cornerstone. They are cast as vigilante style heroes for the
most part. Unable to fully be embraced for the good they do
because of the blood that is shed when they do it. But this
does not tarnish the notion of her wolves as being
"good guys" for all practical purposes. I gave this book the
virtue of my unbiased observation, I refused to read
any reviews or anything that might prejudice my opinion.
But I can honestly say I loved this book for everything
that made it unique.
Why no voting buttons? We don't let customers vote on their own reviews, so the voting buttons appear only when you look at reviews submitted by others.

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Showing 1-1 of 1 posts in this discussion
Initial post: Apr 3, 2012 9:35:07 PM PDT
Tyson Perna says:
"the simple truth that life can be wonderful if you let it"

Well said. :-)


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March 27, 2012

Book Quest Update

Alrighty so yea it's not the end of the month like I said...but all the same I thought it would be a good time to update the list. As of this morning, I'm at 20 books read since January. It's sort of psudo-impressive, though to be fair they're all sorts and some of them rather long and tedious. not in a boring way I suppose, but the sort of book you have to stop and think about as you're going through.

Chance got out of the bathroom by himself this morning. Took a nice potty break in the office downstairs. I've told everyone that a dog that big belongs outside. I'm not wrong about this. He's not happy in that bathroom, he can barely turn around in there. It might just be my personal feelings on this but big dogs are outdoor animals, somewhere they can run and play and chase squirrels and, you know, do dog stuff. Seeing him in that bathroom all day everyday is just sad. To make matters worse, it's pretty obvious that he isn't happy in there. you'd have to be a complete ninny not to know that. And okay yea we have a crazy neighbor who complains about dogs barking but guess what lady...that's what dogs too...not to mention the fact that there are more than a dozen dogs on my block, she's delusional if she thinks she can tell chance apart from the dozens on my street and the probable hundred within barking radius. I'm not much of a dog person myself, but I can tell the difference btw them, it isn't that hard.

New scentsy blocks are on the way, just about time for the office. I brought in one of the blocks I had at home, black raspberry and vanilla, because while the smell is amazing, it just simply isn't strong enough for home. To be quite honest, my apartment is quite large, one tiny plug in has to perfume the whole area (bc I haven't decided where I can put another one).

See I'm in the process of working on my space, organizing, getting things to where they've always been meant to be. It isn't easy and it's driving me a little nuts but I'm trying. The task is made alot harder by a couple of factors. First of all, I have to work around the whole I'm too broke to breathe thing, secondly, my allergies which suck btw (I can't tolerate dust at all, just a little and I have to go lie down and weeze for a bit) and finally I'm committed to doing this the right way this time. I did it the easy way, everything kinda fell apart in two years and I really don't wanna have to buy new furniture every two years because that majorly sucks. So that means I'm committed to getting good strong stuff that's going to be pretty but strong enough to last. That means no walmart. But also that means because the economy bites, what I'm looking for is going to be alot harder to find now that it was two years ago. I'm kinda kicking myself now for buying that cheap furniture in the first place. I didn't realize what garbage pressed wood really is I suppose, or I never would have purchased it. Not making that mistake twice though.

So as far as the scentsy goes, I have my eye on a nice midsize warmer that I want, but I need to get everything organized first so I know what kind of space I'm dealing with and IF there is space for that pretty little warmer. It's adorable though :) appeals to my inner diva I think. It's cotton candy pink and covered in elegant squiggles and swirls that remind me of victorian filagree (which I love) True, it's a little childish but considering my room is a big long, skinny place that looks a bit like a castle, a warmer called "tiara" would appear to fit right in :). The big issue with placement is I need to keep it far away from the cats. Kassandra says her cat doesn't bother hers at home, but I'm afraid of two things: mickey ate a shower curtain, meaning he's willing to eat just about anything AND they're all tremendously clutsy, so if the place I put it isn't secure, they will knock it over and break it...then probably try to eat it. I thought maybe my nightstand but it doesn't seem quite stable. So if I get the one I'm considering, it will probably be on the dresser or armoire (the redwood one, not the white one or the black one) bc that seems the least likely place to be worried about. But again this is after I finish everything else I've gotta do. In the meantime, the tea rose plug in, 8 feet off the ground, is going to have to suffice. Seriously though it's so high off the ground I have to stand on a chair to change the fragrance...and even then I'm on my tippy toes lol, but it does look really cool up there, like the wall is blooming hehe
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February 20, 2012

February.....yea.....weirdness...

Okay first things first, I'm at 7 on my book challenge thing, not that impressive I'll grant you but idk I've not had as much free time as I anticipated.

I wasn't home much last week, work mostly but I went out for valentine's day...I didn't feel like being home alone was the best plan. It was actually a decision I didn't take lightly, it might seem really strange but I couldn't decide if it was less pathetic to go out by yourself on valentines day or to stay home...Valentines just sucks, there is no way around it, but that was probably the best one since I've been umm...not in a full time relationship...to say single sounds weird because I date..alot more than I admit normally lol

But anyway back to last week....They had karokee at Drifters which was kinda fun, it was alot warmer than the last time I was there in the beergarten part...about a week prior, probably more like two weeks but still, I was out there in front of the heater the time prior and I was still completely frozen. AND the time before that I was inside and it was frozen there too. Idk I guess sometimes they don't use the heat for what it was invented for lol, or maybe I sit WAY too close to the window.

I've been spending alot more time at drifters lately. For some reason, I just feel comfortable there. It's weird isn't it? But last week I actually was introduced to some of the off duty staff, and they're pretty cool people, I'd probably spend more time there if I wasn't in such a shitbox financially (pardon my french) but I don't have alot of cash for umm well anything really, but I wish I did.

It sucks to be responsible. I spend alot of time worrying about money and the rest of the time dreaming about the things I wish I had. It's a terrible way to go about things. I've got expensive taste, which is weird bc we've never had alot of money really, but I love imports and nice restaurants, and hair products (yea I know...so amazingly girly)

Which brings me to another point..I've been trying to take better care of myself lately. It's a bit of a new years thing, but I'm determined not to let things slide anymore. When I was in school full time, I just didn't feel like it was worth the time to feel nice about how I look when I leave the house. But I've made the decision that if I want to feel good about myself, it takes effort. It's a lesson a friend of mine TRIED to teach me last semester but I wouldn't listen to her..but I did actually learn something lol Probably should thank her one of these days.

I've been kind of taking that to an even newer level for me. I've been actually spending hours every morning with a curling iron. Yea I know...shocked silence on the other end. I've always been girly but NOT LIKE THAT. I used to scoff at people who spent hours preping every morning but I get it now. It's not about how other people see you, not really...It's about how I feel about myself. When I leave the house in the morning, even if I'm not going anywhere important, I still feel like I could take on the world. It's a great feeling. I wish I'd had that in high school...but I would have had to get up at 4am back then and I'm not sure I could've done that. If I'd known how it would make me feel though I might have tried.

That's the root of it, btw, I'm trying more than I ever have. I've been kinda down lately so this is like self medicating for a slight case of depression. Seems to be helping. New makeup too, well new old makeup, when I set up the vanity table, I rediscovered somethings, and it made me think. I tried some makeup I hadn't worn in a long time...one of my favorite new cosmetics is actually something I bought at Performance Studios as part of a halloween costume back in 2007...

Mornings are alot more complicated now. Teeth and hair brushed first. Then heat defense spray. Then curling iron and comb, all the way around. Then hairspray on the new curls, spread them out, then hairspray again. Then eye shadow to match the day's outfit, then NYX cosmetics glitter eye pencil on top. Then mascara and finally glitter gloss for the lips. Dressed and out...it's about an hour-two hours ritual. It's time consuming and I do it again every single day. It's alot just to go to work BUT sometimes I don't just go to work. I'm a bit impulsive about when I go out. If I feel like it, and can swing the expense I go. It means that when I get up in the morning, I've got no idea where I'm headed for the day.

Set up my new mattress yesterday, it literally took all day to drain the old one, get it carried out and the new one filled. Problem is I couldn't find the liner for the new mattress. I got SUPER stressed out about that, I can't really say why exactly. But I can say that we kinda got it fixed...kinda...there's a waterproof green roofing tarp under the mattress............(hysterical laughter I know) the worst part is the tarp smells bad...like really bad. The whole area smells like plastic now. I think it's the heater. It doesn't appear to be hurting the tarp, Forrest and dad are convinced it isn't dangerous to have the heater under the plastic tarp...but the fact that the whole bed now smells like melted plastic is disconcerting...but then again I've never slept on a freaking tarp before so I'm not sure exactly what it's SUPPOSED to smell like

And finally, new scentsy product came in friday. It's this rose about as big as a coffee cup (a fat coffee cup). And it plugs in. So in the dining room there is this weirdo plug half way up the wall. So now in that plug is a holder for that ceramic rose. It's actually really beautiful. BUT much bigger than I thought it would be...also the fact that the plug is like a football field away so I can't smell it from here...which is a bit of a let down. I wish there was one closer to the bed...but there isn't one that is far enough off the ground to be safe for something ceramic. Let's face it...I've got cats...and they play with stuff. I'm not willing to trust them not to try and drink the wax...after all this weekend Mickey tried to eat the shower curtain...ACTUALLY he ate part of it, so I threw it out. I'm blaming that stupid car commercial about the pizza curtains..................
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January 23, 2012

My 2012 Challenge

I graduated first of all! Actually recieved my dipolma and everything! I can't believe it, I mean it was such a long process and there were certainly moments when I thought it wasn't going to happen. I'm sure everyone has those, when it's just so close that it feels like any moment everything is going to hit the fan. Graduation day was just something extreme from my point of view. There were literally thousands of people there, so finding someone afterwards was a bit like a needle in a haystack, I eventually just kinda gave up and got to higher ground and waited till I saw someone. But it was really cold so standing out there wasn't much fun. That's the problem with December graduations I suppose, it just isn't really pleasant to congregate outside.

But yes it's completely official now, I guess I could legitimately call myself a historian, though I've neglected to do so as of yet, but it's only been a month so I suppose there is always time for that later on.

Other updates...let me see. Well we're really busy at work right now, which I'm extremely excited about. Let's face it, taxes are due in a couple months here, so busy means there might be money to pay them this year. I doubt it but I can't help but be slightly optimistic. I kinda wish I could hire those H&R block dudes, bc I'm sick of the gigantic tax bills...of course then I'd have to pay them o.O so not sure if that works or not.

What else? Oh I kinda met someone...It's a little odd and I don't know if anything will come of it or not but maybe, and maybe can be positive...I guess...It's just kinda one of those things were I don't know what's going on or what's happening or anything of the sort. Long term potential, just between you and me I doubt it, but he seems to be probably the least weird person I've gone out with lately, so that's always a plus...I seem to attract the crazies...I don't get why but I very much don't like it.

Finally, to the crust of the post today, the reason I decided to post. My friend Jazz challenged herself last year to read an enormous amount of books throughout the course of a calendar year. It occurs to me that I haven't been out of school since I was 5 so before I move on to the next degree I intend to pursue, I've decided to take on a little challenge of my own. I have, as I previously mentioned, been at school for a very long time. This is the first chance I will have to see what I can accomplish when I don't have that added element riding over my head. So I am challenging myself to see just how many books I can read in a calendar year starting January 1, 2012. I don't know how busy I'm going to get or just how much free time I'm going to have but I think it's something I kinda need to do to prove something to myself.

I've actually already started, and the count is currently at 2...though to be fair the first was over 1000 pages so idk. I'm in the middle of number 3 right now. At the end of the year, I'm going to post a final tally, and hopefully keep a running score at least once a month, to force me to actually try to make use of this neglected page. (As anyone who might read this can probably tell I don't post much). Also at the end of the year, I will publish a complete list, with author, title and month read of EVERY BOOK I manage to get through.

The one question I have out there for anyone whose ever taken on a challenge like this is regarding anthologies, and I might ask Jazz about this, do you count an anthology as one book, or do you count each individual novel that is part of it? I've got a shakespeare and a sherlock homes anthology on the docket for sometime soon, as well as a buffy anthology with 3 novels in it. I kinda would like to figure out how I'm going to talley them before I start reading those particular, though I assure you I have plenty to read before I get that far.

Also another major component in this will be challenging myself NOT to read anything I've read before. This will insure that I'm reading for comprehension not just to get through it. I also find that devouring books like that is inspirational to my own artistic pursuits as per my lyrics and stories because it prompts new avenues of thinking.

Wish me luck and belated new years,

Kat
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July 8, 2011

Need to RANT big time!!!

Normally, I pride myself on being a rather non-confrentational type. I don't like to cause problems with people and often won't say anything if I'm getting ticked off. When I got home today, though, I was sorely tempted. The situation was as follows.

First of all, it bears mentioning that I'm now working two jobs...the second one is more complicated to understand than the first, if you can believe that. What it amounts to is I'm essentially a part time Nanny. Yea pretty unexpected if anyone knows me but some old friends of mine were in a bind and couldn't get a daycare or anything so I stepped in to care for a one year old all day, for most of the week. I don't mind playing with the little guy but I don't like the stinky moments and the SCREAMING. His name is Ian and he has a set of pipes like you wouldn't believe....and some kind of early onset abandonment issues.....essentially you can't leave him alone...even in his crib or playpen or whatever and leave his sight. If he can't see you he screams. I show up for this new little endevor by 7:30 pretty much every weekday morning but tuesday. From there I play with Ian, Feed Him, Rock him to sleep ect until his folks get home (usually between 5:30 and 6) so it's a long grueling day. In addition...I still have my regular job that needs doing so after I leave Babytown (not it's really name but I call it that sometimes) I head to the office to get caught up with paperwork, make calls, send faxes ect to make sure everything is ready for the next day. So it's a long LONG day just about every day and I'm worn out....and before you think this means I actually have money...I think it bears mentioning that this exhausting week only yielded 130 bucks...not enough to cover the big bills I have next week.

So you will understand why this next part of the story, today's little misadventure, is more than I really care to fool with. Now I have been packing some DVDs for Ian to watch during the day, some new stimulation for his brain, he's at that age where he needs to be absorbing information constantly, so I'm trying to help with that. Well, while packing my dvd container for the day, I noticed about half my collection is just gone...I thought that rather odd considering I'm quite sure I did nothing with it, and I keep it all rather well organized...so it's pretty clear that there's a ton missing. I thought about it and I hadn't loaned anything to anyone. So the most likely culprits were my brothers...both of which were asked if they had seen a couple of the ones I knew were part of the cashe of seemingly vanished items. Both claimed to have nothing to do with any of it. I work really hard for every cent I have....the things that I have spend money on in the last several years are, in essense, things I worked my butt of for. For someone to think they have the right to just take things that I worked for and bought with my hard earned money is just mean. And to lie about it is worse.

I knew it wasn't Forrest...he never takes without asking and always returns things he borrows. So that means the other one................which is bad. I don't know how many of you know my other brother but he is an extremely disagreeable fellow when crossed....or you know...if you happen to breath funny in his direction...he's easly offended and not terribly reliable. The other thing is he is a slob....I don't mean forgets to take the trash out once in a while or doesn't make his bed or dust or sort papers...those are things which busy people just push off....no...he is in a league all his own...he makes horders look like neat freaks....piles of clothes, shoes...garbage and junk cover his room in piles which are just about waste deep all the way around. The whole place smells of rotten things and it's pretty obvious that he has things which don't belong to him. Sure, maybe I am just being critical...after all...my appartment isn't sunshine and roses but my stuff is organized chaos...everything has a place and I know where it is at most of the time. That's why I was so shocked to notice I was missing things....it's my complusion of sorts that I keep them neatly stacked and packed away in their own little cabinet that is just for them. His space is like 100 suitcases just blew up. That and several fastfood joints. Now I love my brother...but sometimes ARG he's just got this way of doing things which just seems to be completely idiotic. Well anyway...I sneak in looking for that dvd I wanted to show Ian...hoping I was wrong about it being in that black hole of crap. I wasn't...but I couldn't find it...DVDs (mostly mine but several belonging to my folks) randomly scattered about...cases steped on and crushed...a pile where they are all in the wrong cases, a pile where the cases are all empty random disks....dvd's, video games...just stacked haphasardly. I'm shocked for a moment at just how much of my stuff is there and RUINED. These things cost me money...money I've worked for all my adult life...pennies I saved for something special...things I happily fished out of a discount bin not believing my luck. All of it just disgarded like the pizza box on top of the back seat from his car which...amazingly is not in the car at all...nope...upstairs in his room covered in crap. Proves he not only has no respect for anyone elses stuff but has no respect for his own either. I salvaged what I could quickly...many of my things left there to rot as I couldn't find one or both components of them. I was seething by the time they got home but said nothing....even after what I heard from them coming up the stairs.....

I've had an impossibly hard day....I've had to clean up baby poo off Ian's back....which didn't even make sense.....and pick up cherieos and do anything possible to stop the screaming which errupts randomly for no reason what so ever, sung softly till baby barbell nodded off (yea I call him that sometimes...but he's sooo heavy!!!) my nerves are fried from that and all the angry phone calls from my regular job all day........so coming up the stairs is bob and jess having some kinda conversation...I'm not really listening until I hear something that is rather personal.

Well she says something about "adrenal crash" and bob scoffs and replys that instead of being sick, I'm mearly lazy, fat and pidgeon toed. Now, I've been working my butt off all day, only to find my stuff getting ruined and now my own brother is telling his girlfriend (who I actually get along with most of the time) that I'm a fat lazy lier...Now I want to get this set straight...

First of All, even in light of all this I did nothing, I didn't attack him or get pissed or start yelling or screaming or anything....why? because I'm an adult and I don't do stuff like that (or at least I try really hard to be diplomatic about things) At that moment though, I was so close to acting like a tween ager and pitching a fit.

Secondly, just because I can't afford to be on the medication I need to get better doesn't mean I stopped being ill in the first place. I actually did suffer an adrenal crash in high school...which apparently went unoticed for 5 years by the people who make claim to know me so well (they don't by the way but that's an entirely different problem from the one I'm working with at the moment) which means I no longer have a functioning adrenal system. Which is bad all by itself..but combined with hypertension, an accelerated pulse rate and a pretty severe thyroid problem and you have a really really big problem. And one that I've beaten before. Which begs the question why can't I do it now? Before it took me three months of essentially rest with no class...work...or anything. I was so bored, you've no idea...but it helped me get stablized and then the rest was just medication and trying to take it easy and not over tax myself....this time that isn't an option...the meds aren't an option...and even if they were you have to take them the same time everyday...something that isn't possible to do without food and drink...which is, at best, a wishful thinking idea most of the time for me. I can't afford to eat three meals a day, even if I could, I couldn't do it around the baby unless he was sleeping which definately doesn't happen at the same time everyday. He isn't exactly forgiving when it comes to people eating things around him. He gets very umm cranky I guess is the best word.

So I'm not taking the medicine that I should and it's just getting worse and worse. But it hasn't just up and vanished...that's a dumb thing for him to think....most of my family is like that...they think because I'm not complaining 24/7 that there's nothing wrong. When, in reality, I'm just trying to get the things done that I know I need to and hope I can continue to funtion at a semi regular level. I'm so busy lately I have to scedule with friends if I want to spend some time with them...that just stinks....I haven't seen some of them in a while now because I just can't manage it. I'm so dead on my feet before the day begins...never mind at the end of the whole thing. I don't sleep well if at all, usually jolting up at odd hours. For some reason, though, I sleep best at dawn...a problem if I have to be somewhere by 7:15. And all I hear from the people I do have time to see is that they don't have any clue what's going on and think I'm just making everything up...what do I need to do? carry around doctor's notices??? I shouldn't have to carry around documentation to prove to my own family that I'm not lying.

And to hear that my brother not only abuses my things, steals from me and lies about it, but that he and his lady fair have jokes at my expense just sucks....it makes me want to cry or scream or maybe both and it really isn't fair. I know I sound like 12 years old but I just don't understand why my friends get me and the people I've know all my life don't and, moreover, are so convinced they do. That's probably the worst part, they think they know me so well, and when I tell them they're wrong about something...they just say I'm insane and move forward...kinda how you pet the dog when he's worried instead of trying to find what's bothering him. It's not how you treat family.

Maybe it's just me.....but that seems like common sense.
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June 14, 2011

Paper and News

Well, I found my teacher's comments on this paper pretty awesome, I hadn't expected them to be impressed. I'm kinda used to surprising them though lol. As I am fond of saying, I'm smarter than I look. So here is the text for that then I'll do the news and updates.


Art is an odd feeling of life that emanates from a great work of literature or a painting that captivates. This notion of art is no where typified more than in the theater. The theater is art but it’s alive in a way that a painting simply cannot be. Theater has the capacity to evolve, to grow in response to talent and available resources. Shakespeare can be played on a minimalist stage with very few props or in a grand scale with elaborate sets and elegant costumes and both can take the same scene and make it entirely different. Lighting, too, can change a mood. After all, no one would take the witches of “that Scottish play” seriously if they had little gelled sunflower looking things shining down on them. Any little element can make such a complete change to what the audience perceives.


I’ve always had a passion for theater. Growing up, we didn’t have a lot of money but my mother sent me to every art day camp she could find for me and my brothers. We got to go to the Nashville Children’s theater summer program many times and whenever the funds were there she would try to take us to TPAC. True, sometimes the seats were so far from the stage all you would get was from the speakers behind you but it didn’t diminish the wonder of it all. Coming from this, it’s easy to see that for me theater takes on a special wonder, something greater than a movie because it can be experienced, it can be lived. The audience is part of this epic story and if its Shakespeare or spamalot, it still has this pull, this life to it. Theater is a living art, every time you see or participate in a performance you realize that every time this curtain rises, there will be a different audience and even timeless works like Shakespeare or antigone can be new and special every performance making its own unique mark. It’s the live actors and the director which bring this life to it. A director will not always make the same choices that others have with the same piece of work and those little changes, the staging, props, costumes, everything that makes up the final show can change and that’s what makes it so special.


Is it art? Well, yes in a way it is. You see a play in and of its self is a work of art before casting ever begins. It takes a lot of talent and hard work to create a script, particularly one which will survive to be produced. A playwright doesn’t, however, always have the opportunity to foresee the problems that may be created when it comes time for actual production, but that doesn’t take anything away from that piece. The ability to tell a story like that, where the audience only gets the information that could’ve been acquired from normal conversation makes it difficult for difficult concepts to be realized. In the play, you can’t take it with you; you can get a real feel for that. You can’t really pick up on the complicated back stories for the characters but somehow the playwright knows that and compensates for it with detailed textual clues. It is the responsibility of the actor to convey these messages to the audience.


The presentation of a show is an art as well. It’s not every person on the streets with the know-how and skill to make one of these shows happen. And it all gets very technical but the art, the part that makes you feel, that is when all the pieces are in place and the audience gets drawn in and cries and laughs and feels for these characters. It’s how the pieces fit together, how all these talented people combining that make it an art, and, in my mind, the only true living art.


But a word of caution, I love the theater, I always have. All I ever wanted was to be an actress, to tread the boards as they say. So I can’t pretend not to be biased towards it, because I know I am. That fear that just ebbs away as the curtain goes up is intoxicating. It’s been years since I was really up there but I remember that feeling, it’s not something anyone could forget. You feel sick and excited and when you’re not on stage you find yourself mouthing the other’s lines and songs because after so much rehearsal, you know it better than you know your homework or anything else and its much more real, to see your name on a cast list, to see the playbill. To know that for a couple of hours, you have the opportunity to create another world and you spend months trying to do just that, and the singing and dancing and when’s my cue and has anyone seen that prop from scene 4 it all makes it so present, so much part of the spirit of an actor that it makes it really hard to be objective about it. For someone who loves theater, you can’t simply ask what makes it great. It’s all great, magical, fantastic and scary all at the same time. Its not one element, it’s the cohesion of all elements, the feelings and emotions, the fire, the essential energy and, at the risk of being overtly repetitive, the life of it.





So now that we all feel uber educated about that topic, moving on to recent news and updates.



My computer screen got mysteriously cracked. It was really weird and I have no idea how it happened, but I've got to say that I nearly had a meltdown over it on saturday morning. Spent the day driving around the burbs trying to find this computer shop that the guy at best buy sent me to. It was a disaster! I was lost with a dead gps (which also happens to be my cell phone!), needless to say it really wasn't fun. Ended up stopping at a couple places trying to find something to charge my cell. Finally, I did find something (I'm officially calling it my lifesaver). Essentially, I'm sure you've heard of those quick charge things from energizer. Well that's what I was looking for, unaware of the fact that they have to be charged before you can use them, moreover that they must be charged by a computer (which, ironically, was the source of the bigger problem for the day). So needless to say, that didn't bode well for me. So I'm looking around the area where that was trying to find something that would do the trick. To my delight, I did manage to do just that. I found this thing called a scorch solar charger. It had a little solar panel on it which, when it met the 90+ tennessee sunshine, turned out nicely. I was able to get my phone up and running and get the heck out of the suburbs. Little life lesson guys, DO NOT GO TO THE SUBURBS WITHOUT A MAPQUEST PRINT OFF! I mean GPS is nice, don't get me wrong, but apparently entirely unreliable. I did not enjoy stammering to the cute guy at the walmart that I wasn't from around there and had no earthly idea how to get back where I had come from, dude probably thought I was a moron.



Anyway...back to the main problem...the computer...I was able to, after making it back to east and calming down a little bit, find the replacement screen on ebay for like $80 and after a marathon call session yesterday morning, was able to find a tech to put it in for like $50. My friend Mike said I couldn't do that, when I told him the screen had cracked. He basically told me the computer was toast. I shared my little miracle with him, only after the common chastisment of "do you ever get tired of being wrong???" because he has this nasty little habit of telling me what I can and cannot do. 9 times out of 10 I was right in the first place, which makes me wonder why he tries to constantly tell me I'm wrong?



Ackward lunch thing today. Went with a friend and a couple of their friends. It was okay, but there were just a few things that drove me a little batty. Number 1, that this friend of a friend actually thought me and my friend had gone to school together, being as this person is most likely 20+ years my senior, that was kinda weird thing for them to say. I felt compelled to point out that I'm only 22. Also, this friend made a point of mentioning that he couldn't understand how I had managed to get into HFA, and once again, I felt compelled to comment, with one of my favorites, "I'm smarter than I look you know!" He was like "really, so why were you slacking this year" then I said "what are you talking about! I didn't get a score below a "B" last semester." and so on. I don't know where He got the idea that I'm a slacker from, but if I find out someone's going to owe me an explanation.



While it's true, since my thyroid started acting up again, I've had a hard time concentrating, that doesn't mean I'm stupid or have, in anyway, stopped working hard. I'm doing my hardest to manage it as best I can in the hopes that I won't be looking for a repeat of my senior year in high school. Sometimes I have to remind myself to cool down a bit and breathe before I loose my temper. Goodness knows I try. The difference is that this time I know what's going on and Identifying the problem is getting you halfway to a solution. So sometimes I can tell when I'm about to fly off the handle or I"m a little uber hyper which means it's time to breathe a little bit.



Got in a little half hearted argument with another friend of mine who also styles themselves an amateur writer, I shared a little passage of something and told her that I liked it and that it wasn't often that I loved something I'd done from a reader's perspective. I then ended the missive with a little "Sometimes, I pretend to be a writer" well that really set her off. She was like "what are you talking about! How can you read something like that and still say 'pretend'!!!!" Problem is, I'm never really sure if my friends are just saying nice things because they are my friends or if they truly think I've got some semblance of skill.



The biggest issue I have with writing is inspiration. I simply cannot work without that. Meaning I've got a lot of projects in progress and very few finished things. I never really want to finish them though, I think it is perhaps because finishing something means it's over and that's that. I like to leave it open ended so that I can always return if fancy strikes. Like as not though, should I get to a point where I plan to publish, I will have to wrap it up, a daunting notion.



For now though, my biggest focus is on my music. This past spring has been one of the most creative periods of my life, I've written dozens of songs, stories, plays, nerdy little fan stories and more things by virtue of amazing inspiration. The problem is, for me, inspiration requires stimulous. I'm kinda doing the same thing all day every day and it isn't inspiring me. True, there are moments when being outside and seeing something or feeling something new will do it, but the monotony isn't good for my creative muse. I almost miss being on campus everyday right now, I mean not the weather or the walking or the creepy dude from european history, but the concerts in the strange music building. They were like a shot of NEW into the system, every time I went, yielded 2 or 3 or sometimes more new material. There was something very electric about that kind of environment, the new music was something I needed to spur myself into createing something unique. It wasn't really that it was in the style of what I was presented with but the activation of new receptors because of the new material certainly had a stark influence on me.



My Aunt Doris called me the other day to invite me to come visit her at her lake house in monticello, Indiana. I really would like to go but my folks have made it pretty clear that my car is really THEIR car and that it shant leave the state. I'd be hard pressed to get them to agree to let me go to dollywood. I can't really tell if it is a lack of faith in me or in my car. Either way, it isn't fun.



Another fairly recent tidbit comes curtesy of a girl I went to high school with. I won't use names because I don't want to get anyone in trouble in case someone reads this that shouldn't (shocking but I actually had like 127 views as of late, I was like WHAAA where did these people come from lol I'm really not all that interesting) Anyway, girl a tells me that a girl from our school, hereafter refered to as girl b, had taken up an unsavory occupation. Moreover that girl b had done so under an assumed name. Now, the new name thing, I had heard that. But that girl b had chosen this new venue for her *cough cough* talents was something I hadn't heard. I felt foolish for not knowing when girl a did, because, I had thought girl b and I were friends, stupid now I guess, but we talked about stuff, I asked advice and she shared stuff, apparently condecendingly but I didn't know that at the time. So I hadn't heard from girl b in a year or two. She had given me a new email addy but I couldn't find it after she gave it to me so I hadn't used it. ( I know I had it somewhere but my brain is a little scrabbled sometimes). So Idk if that made her angry or if she's just so committed to her new lifestyle that she'd rather not remember the people who knew her before she made this decision (yes I know I'm being vague but I can't really get more detailed without making people angry so there lol ) So I tried to add the new-and *cough* improved girl b on facebook, figured that was non-confrentational. Now normally, I don't send out requests, kinda don't get agressive about it because, let's face it, if people want to contact you they will do so, it's simple as that. But I did, attaching a message I read over many times to make sure it didn't sound accusatory or something and sent it. Well that was over a month ago. I feel like I should feel humiliated that someone in *cough* such an unusual career should reject me. And I guess that's why I don't send requests in the first place, I'm really not good with rejection. I felt like what had I done that someone like that wouldn't want to talk to me? I had never been anything other than honest and understanding with her, listen to crap for years, and a couple slights at my person I have to admit. Because that's what you do for friends, right? I mean you have little tiffs once in a while but generally a friend will be able to understand that the other was just upset and saying things they didn't mean. I never meant to give any of my friends the impression that I didn't care or that I wouldn't understand. All the same, I feel like it's my fault that she doesn't want to talk to me, like I did something wrong. It kinda feels personal. Well, that and her new bleach blonde do, that feels REALLY REALLY personal. Like a slap in the face if I must be honest.



It reminds me of a story, if you will indulge. When I was in high school, I was never particularly appealing, I admit it and have come to grips with the fact that it was only after I dumped my boyfriend of three years that I actually started to CARE again. Anyway, let's just say I was often dissheveled. Well, I knew guys in school, as anyone must, and I tended to speak to guys often, again as anyone must. I was accused of flirting with them (which I honestly never did, didn't really know how, if I must be frank) and this "faux flirting" got me in trouble with some girls I also knew. Now I would push this question to the guys I went to high school with, with no fear of judgment by me if they answered, did they ever, I mean ever, feel like I was "flirting" with them, because I didn't really do that, as I said, I'm not quite sure how to do that. As I have mentioned previously, I was never terribly agressive when it came to guys. Call me old fashioned or simply a ninny but I never really think that girls should chase guys. I'm serious! I like to think if they like me, then that's nice but if they don't then whatever. True, I do tend to attract mostly crazy loosers but that really isn't the point. Granted, I probably have no right to be picky but a girl has to have her standards. You can't just settle for every tom, dick and harry that comes your way. You know what I mean?



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March 17, 2011

Hope everyone has a happy and save st. patty's day....

I went to the rudy title st. Patty's day party! It was soo much fun! 5-8:30! I had a whole lot of fun BUT i have a ton of hw so i couldn't stay as long as i wanted to. There were some people who actually had some training and knew how to swing, which was awesome. I kick myself though, i wore the shoes that matched my outfit not my dancing shoes, but i managed. it would've been better with my dancing shoes and i wish i could've stayed longer. But if i didn't head home when i did, no hw would get done. Got pulled over on the way home though, apparently i have a light out...didn't know that...the cop was like are you okay miss? I said yea i just have hypertension lol. He also asked me if i'd been drinking..I was like no i don't drink, he was actually impressed...strange right?

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